Hello SOTGC community,
It’s taken most of my adult life to tear down the walls I’ve put around myself when it comes to women. The more women I speak with, the more I find out that so many of them feel the same way. We have been hurt so many times in the past by women that we end up shutting them out completely. The spiteful words, the glaring looks, the back-stabbing, the criticism, and just plain meanness have programmed so many women not to trust each other, it’s really quite sad because that behavior goes against our divine feminine nature which is love, nurturing, compassion and connection to just name a few.
As if it wasn’t enough to bash each other in person, via email and behind each other’s back, it’s come to my awareness that social media is now a huge platform to engage in said behavior. It happens in all age groups, social status’, races, religions, etc., it seems no one is immune to this very brutal and unnecessary conduct.
When we take a look at why women tear each other apart it all boils down to confidence issues. Women don’t become insecure overnight, nor do they choose to be that way. Because one of the prime directives of the subconscious mind is to be the domain of the emotions, when a woman who lacks self confidence is faced with a situation where she feels inadequate in any way, the natural response is to make herself feel better, which is usually by criticizing and tearing apart the person that elicited the negative feelings. This false sense of ‘feeling better’, is merely temporary and until she seeks guidance in getting to the root cause of her insecurities, she will continue to play and replay this ‘program’.
When we look at the counterpart of the insecure woman, confident women, and many times the target of her jealousy, they are usually the first to encourage other women, freely give compliments and to be kind and friendly. That being said, confident women can still feel self doubt, self criticism and have bad hair days! However, they have a more resourceful and healthy way in dealing with these moments from within and therefore don’t feel the need act outwardly by tearing apart someone else in order to make themselves feel better.
Photo credit: www.bentobjects.blogspot.com
I’m going to be totally honest here and admit that when I was in my teens and early twenties, my level of self confidence was not very high and I engaged in some tear downs myself. Of course I’m not proud of those moments, however, I’m not ashamed either. I’ve experienced both sides of the coin, I’ve been the deliverer and the receiver of jealousy…it doesn’t feel good to be on either side. I feel that my low self esteem in the past was a crucial part of my process and has provided much insight and more compassion now as a confident woman.
So, is there a solution to this vicious cycle?
If we want things in life to change, we must change things in life. Several things need to come in to play here to elicit positive change to shift this cycle.
- Compassion for the insecure women, they are mean only because they are so broken inside. If you are close to someone with low self esteem, encourage them to seek therapy of some kind. I’ve seen amazing and quick results in my practice with NLP and hypnosis. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is another great modality.
- We need to trust in ourselves and tear down the walls we’ve put up regarding connecting with other women. When we trust that we will not allow anyone to treat us in a sub par manner, we can open ourselves to others and create, connect and play freely and without expectation.
- Let’s realize our potential and power collectively as women and encourage and promote our sisterhood as a whole and individually. Collaborate with like minded women, encourage our young girls to be kind and uplifting to one another. Use your voice, if you truly have had enough of the mean and critical ways women treat each other then don’t tolerate it! If I find myself in the middle of other women conducting a tear down of a woman, I say something and/or walk away, no need to condone or condemn.
The more you show up in the world as a loving, kind and compassionate person, the more that people with those qualities will show up in your life! It’s the mirror effect! It is said to be true of the opposite as well, the more you show up as a mean spirited, grumpy and negative person, that will be what the Universe brings your way.
My Nana once told me when I was a young girl, “There is good in everyone, the challenge sometimes is to find it!” Let’s help each other to see the good and beauty in one another every day. Let’s create a strong sense of feminine connection and power and elevate each other as women to the highest level and for the greatest good! It starts with you
Photo credit: www.twicsy.com