Hello SOTGC community,
I know that I will meet some resistance with what I’m about to say here, and I respect each and every perspective on the topic I’m writing on today. So here it goes…
In a world filled with powerful, smart and independent women climbing their way to the top of corporate ladders, has anyone stopped to think about how bringing this very masculine energy in to an intimate relationship might affect things? If we are always calling the shots, making the decisions, handling everything from travel arrangements to taking out the trash, how does our man get a chance to show up and ‘be the man’? Last time I checked, men love us because of our femininity, our ability to feel things and express ourselves at a level that is unfamiliar to them. Our feminine nature is intoxicating to men when we are in our true ‘goddess’ form. Just like they love the soft curves of our bodies, they love our softness that comes from the inside as well.
Photo credit: Woman-wwwbestofyoutoday.com
Most men also love a strong and independent woman, one that is not needy and clingy, one that is successful and has opinions. However, they also have an innate desire to be our ‘knight in shining amor’ at times and when we bring our strong and powerful selves that has provided us great success in the business world in to our home, it tends to emasculate our guy. As fun as it is to joke about having our own sexy ‘boy toy’, it can quickly get old for a man to only be providing our most primal needs so to speak. So where do we find the balance without giving up our voice in the relationship? It’s all about how we communicate.
This may be a foreign concept for many women and can feel a little scary. I invite you to try a new communicating style and see how fast your relationship shifts and your guy starts seeing you and treating you as the goddess that you are. In allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with our guy, is when he connects at a heart level. He can wrap his strong arms around us and be our comforter. A loving relationship should be non-competitive and should be free from power struggles.
Here is what communication can look like with both people being heard and respected:
Her: I was thinking we could go to the cabin next weekend. I’m feeling burned out with work and could really use some time in nature. What do you think?
Him: I’d rather stay here and get some work done.
Her: (leaning back, not towards him so as not to be aggressive) I completely understand, you have a lot to get done but it would mean so much to me to have you there with me. Maybe you can bring some of it with us to the cabin and knock some of it out. I’d hate to have to go by myself…What do you think?
Him: Hmmmm, well it would be nice to get away. I guess if I can get some work done there too it would be good.
Her: Yay!!! (throws her arms around him and gives him a big smooch) This means so much to me, thank you! (always beneficial to show appreciation)
It could have easily gone like this:
Her: Let’s go to the cabin next weekend. I need a break.
Him: Nah, I’ve got too much work to do here.
Her: (leaning in) You never want to do what I want to do! Fine then, I’ll just go by myself!
Him: Fine, go!
When we engage our man in the conversation by going beyond ‘yes’ and ‘no’ questions and asking “What do you think?”, it opens up the communication and tells him that we value what he has to say. It doesn’t mean that we have to give in to it! It’s more about giving respect in order to get respect. Having a discussion or disagreement can be more peaceful than you think. Pay attention to accusatory language and non-verbal cues. Having your hands in a fist versus palms open, leaning in versus leaning back, name calling and accusing versus talking about how you are feeling about something.
Her: You’re late! You are so inconsiderate! Is your phone broken? Next time I’ll just leave without you!
Her: It really makes me feel unimportant when you show up late and don’t call. Would it be possible to call me if you are going to be late next time? I just want to be on the same page about this, what do you think?
Notice how different those felt. We don’t have to be a bad ass or a kiss ass to get our point across! It’s about empowering yourself with a new way of communicating that doesn’t leave each other feeling unheard, hurt or attacked.
Old habits die hard, and it takes time for this style of communication to become natural. What I love about it is that it fosters a more loving and mutually respectful relationship and allows us as women to step out of our business woman mindset and in to our softness, our heart. I’m not talking about gender roles here, I’m talking about a way of being.
In an intimate relationship, one must be the masculine and the other the feminine. It doesn’t matter who plays which role but there must be a balance. Most women (not all) prefer to be the feminine and most men the masculine. Many of us fluctuate between both and that is completely normal as well. If you sense that your guy is more in the feminine energy one day, then by all means shift in to your masculine! It’s all about knowing when to leave your pants at the office!
Photo credit: Symbols-www.themichaelteaching.com