Good morning SOTGC readers. The title of this post is a quote by C JoyBell C who is an author I came across while Google searching quotes on “moving forward.” Every now and then I will get a restless feeling. And in my search to figure out what it is that’s making me feel so antsy, I will search quotes that help to put my scattered thoughts and energy into a cohesive sentence. Then I’ll expound upon it more deeply to relate the quote to my personal situation.
This has been a tumultuous year for myself and everyone close to me. In the beginning of the year I had to let go of the man (who taught me how to love someone more than myself) so that he could heal from the wounds he was dealing with. This created such intense emotional feelings that my Mom suggested the energy that was stirred up when I let him go, might be similar to the energy that my birth mother released when she gave me up for adoption, and the possibility of having a better life than she could provide for me.
This statement led me to further delve into the details of my adoption, which unearthed facts that I hadn’t known. This new knowledge led me to question everything I was doing with my career and why I was moving forward with the goals I had set. Two months later I lost my grandfather who was the last remaining tie we had to the house that held three generations of my Mother’s family. This house that was a piece of art that my Grandmother created with her paintings and memorabilia would invariably have to be sold. This would mean my family and I would never again walk into the house filled with some of my fondest memories.
A month after this my mentor who protected, supported, and developed me left our company, and I found myself with a new manager, on a new team, and weeding through the new processes and regulations that come with being a small company that is bought by a global giant. A couple months later, two of my friends left for fellowship training in different areas of the country, and my “big sister” Susie left for France where she still is, to start her own journey of self discovery.
Anyone ready to jump off a roof yet due to this amazingly uplifting and “Made for TV movie” style jaunt down memory lane? I guess the point of sharing this wonderfully depressing story with you is to paint the picture that I’m trying to show you. Now, as we come to the close of 2012 I can look back on all the events that happened this year, and smile. Not a smile of “Hooray that was amaaaazing!!! Let’s go do it again!” But with a smile that says: “Wow…what a growth year. Sure some pretty ‘bummer dude’ type events happened. But look what you got out of them! Your relationship with your entire family is stronger. Your friendships are more open, loving, and supportive. You’ve managed to start taking down the fortress high walls that you had spent twenty years building up, that kept you from experiencing some of the most wonderfully enlightening things.”
This week, as I was looking for quotes to be able to put focus on this restless feeling that’s descended on me again I found C. JoyBell C’s quote:
“Last night I lost the world. And gained the universe.”
Prior to this year, everything in my life (my world) was held so tightly to my chest, that even my parents at one point wondered if I needed them. My life was extremely structured, I got out of my comfort zone VERY little in regards to travels/experiences/opening myself to people around me. At the start of 2012 my world started to shift, change, and morph at an alarming rate. And when all was said and done, I look back at what and who I was before these experiences and I look at where I am today and how much I have learned. I realize that this wouldn’t have been possible without these forced changes, and I embrace the fact that I lost my closed-in and relatively sterile world. And in exchange, I gained a universe of possibilities because of the person that those events turned me into.