Hello SOTGC community,
In order to be the leader you truly are capable of being, you must have a certain level of personal confidence and emotional vulnerability. We all know both of these are critical.
What often directly hinders us is our own emotional quotient that makes us human. We need to help each other overcome and redirect the natural behavioral shortcomings of emotional obstacles. These obstacles come in the form of the uncomfortable trap, the embarrassment wall, the people-pleaser mud pit, the emotional land mines, or the web of toxic thinking.
Notice I say overcome the shortcomings, not deny or ignore the human emotional quotient. We need the emotional experience to be who we are truly, but we need to experience it all healthfully in healthy relationships. Emotional obstacles occur in relationships, and they will be healed in healthy relationships that involve grace and truth over time.
So here are three things to quit doing today and get over those emotional obstacles![i]
- Quit being afraid of what others think—When we live in reaction to one another, we feel responsible for each other’s experiences, and radical change is needed to differentiate ourselves. Address the underlying condition that keeps you enmeshed in others. Realize that your validation, acceptance, and approval does not come from others. Your “okayness” comes from your foundational identity as a sacred treasure, an infinitely valuable human being apart from anything you do.
- Quit denying anger, sadness, and fear — We need to feel our feelings, think through our feelings, and then take the appropriate action. If we skip one of these steps, the full healthy human experience will not be shared. To feel them means to be aware of our own emotions and acknowledge them without self-condemnation. In some situations the action will be clear, yet in others you may need more discernment from trusted counsel over time to see what to do.
- Quit toxic thinking—As Mark Twain once said, “It isn’t what you don’t know that hurts you; it is what you know that isn’t so.” Faulty or toxic thinking is when we believe something to be true that is false. It is faulty because it’s false and it’s toxic because it can spread illness within you and to your relationships. We must learn when not to follow our feelings, how to mindfully recognize emotional shifts due to thoughts, stop mind reading and then do something different. When you practice a new way of thinking and behaving for at least 7-21 times, your brain creates new pathways that can become the default. When the toxic thoughts were once the default, if you attack the thought and train yourself in new actions, after 7-21 times of doing this, your brain will have a new default.
Quitting these three ways of thinking today will lead you to a mature and healthy life— emotionally, physically, and spiritually. The courage and confidence to walk out our unique lives requires examining closely the life we live now. Natural shortcomings from being human will arise, but we don’t have to let them be an obstacle.
As we live more truly without hindrances, we feel the freedom in vulnerably connecting in healthy ways, whether that’s at work, home, or on the town!
Emotional obstacles don’t need to hinder us; together we can overcome and live our unique lives!
- Which of these three things will you start with?
- Who can you take aside to help you with addressing these three areas in your own life?
- If you have tackled these obstacles previously, what has life been like for you since?
Please leave a comment in the comment section below.
Let’s do this!
Photo Credits: Obstacle wall found on astartofsomething.tumblr.com
[i] Geri Scazzero with Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Woman: Eight things you have to quit to change your life. Grand Rapids, MI. Zondervan, 2010. Geri shares more on these 3 things in her book and DVD series.