Above: One of my cousins and I, bundled up, WOW is Seattle cold!
Hello SOTGC community,
This post was inspired by a conversation I had with one of my cousins a couple weekends ago. I had gone to Seattle to visit about 10 cousins that live up there. On the last morning, three of us went for a very hung over workout. As we sat around stretching after, we talked about how everyone was doing in their relationships with their family, friends, etc. One of them said she has been trying to get over her disappointment in some people about events that happened concerning her recent nuptials. She feels they weren’t as “THERE” as they should have been.
I asked her if she had taken time to ask them what was going on in their life during that time? That maybe there were circumstances they were going through, that she didn’t know about, that led to this “lack of support.” She thought about that and agreed that perhaps this was the case. However, regardless of the reason, she is working on letting go of that disappointment.
They then asked me how I was doing. It’s no secret among my family and close friends that 2012 was the hardest year of my life. I’m sure I was DEFINITELLY not there enough for people, simply because there were days when it was all I could do to get through the workday. Along the way, a very wise woman sat me down and said, “Marney. If you are going to love, you have to give it with NO expectations that it will be returned, or that it will be returned with as much intensity as you’d like. Real love isn’t loving someone with the caveat that it will be returned the way YOU want it to be.” Those words have stayed with me and helped me through the dark times. I’m in a MUCH better place for them lately.
I’m not saying let people kick you around and give love while they treat you like crap. I honestly don’t have anyone in my life who takes what I have to give and doesn’t appreciate and reciprocate it in some manner. However, there are always factors going on in everyone’s life, including my own. I cannot expect that my love will be returned in the same manner as I wish. And I cannot get angry when I feel someone wasn’t there for me at a specific time, when they have always been there for me in some manner…just as I would hope my loved ones understand when there are times in my life where I might not be reciprocating the way they wish I was.